


Wakey-Wakey, Hangovers and Bakey

by Teenage_Oddball



Series: Smite [1]
Category: SMITE (Video Game)
Genre: Aftermath, F/F, Gen, Hangover, M/M, Mention of sex, Mild Language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-20
Updated: 2017-04-20
Packaged: 2018-10-21 11:25:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10684338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Teenage_Oddball/pseuds/Teenage_Oddball
Summary: It was the Mayan’s turn to host the millennial gathering of the Gods. After all of the formalities had been dealt with, they unwind with the greatest piss-up in the history of history. This is the morning-after. Have a glass of water and some soluble aspirin handy, they’re going to need it…





	Wakey-Wakey, Hangovers and Bakey

**Author's Note:**

> It’s finally finished: 10 pages of pure crack based off a post on Tumblr where I asked everyone how their mains would act on a night out. I promise you, make it through the long-ass intro where I have to establish a couple of plot points and you’re in for a treat, hopefully.

The time had finally come for the Mayan Pantheon to host the millennial gathering of the Gods. It had been a millennia or two since the Pantheon had last had visitors. It was not because they weren’t hospitable. In fact, they loved to entertain, and show the other pantheons that their people were just as civilised as their own.

They had been granted a pardon from hosting after Xbalanque and his brother altered the very laws of nature when they defeated the Lords of the Underworld, granting the Mayan people immortality. With no one dying, their worshipers consequentially needed more land to live upon and began to filter into the dense jungle areas where the gods were once concealed.

Ah Muzen Cab first used his command over the insect to focus a plethora of bees upon a small plantation near the Chiapas River which blossomed into a glorious but hostile forest, known as the Lacandon Jungle. It was purposefully made to be uninhabitable for human populations, so that the Gods may stay there, away from mortal eyes. Out of those that stumbled upon the jungle, some were rightfully intimidated and left it alone, though some brave souls felt they had to enter, and then stumbled back out having made acquaintances with a jaguar. No longer fearing death however, the Mayan People took it upon themselves to accommodate holy land, where Gods from all over the world had once stood.

The Mayan Gods did not want to uproot their people or force them out. After all, they had indirectly caused all of this when they left the Hero Twins unsupervised. Instead, they consulted other Gods who were trustworthy and understanding, who offered them magic, more powerful than anything they had access to. These were spells that could make entire structures appear invisible.

Knowing their people would be patrolling the forests and making use of all it had to offer, the Gods built their new fortress far up into the tallest trees, where no human could ever venture, and then cast the spells they had obtained upon it for good measure. The magnificent Tree-house offered unparalleled views of the land and sky: the fruits of the labour of every Mayan God. Despite its traditional construction, the Mayans continued to adapt the Tree-house over the many years that followed with modern touches and saw great value in the advancements humanity was making.

The largest part of the Tree-house was a circular room with a tall, cone-like roof and acted as the central hub for their home. It was this room that saw the most action. It was the first room to need repairs after Cabrakan first entered and fell straight through the floor. It was here where the Pantheon had gathered with Xbalanque, who confessed his deep regret for causing so many disturbances in the natural order (though the same could not be said for his twin) and apologized for all he had done, and was welcomed into their home. It was here where an injured Kukulkan with a broken wing lay on every pillow and bed linen in the Tree-house with the other Gods, who made sure he didn’t try to injure it further. It was here where Awilix held a distraught Chaac whilst Hun Bats swung from the supports trying to stop the leaks coming through the roof from the inevitable downpour. It was here where Ah Puch tried on his signature mask for the first time, and was finally granted independence and full control over his domain, taking over from the previous Lords of the Underworld.

This Tree-house, not to mention its central hub, had been the sight of many historical events in the Mayan Pantheon. It was about see history being made once again, as it witnessed the largest piss-up in the history of the Gods (and its aftermath).

* * *

“Awilix? Where’s my Honey Whiskey?” Ah Muzen Cab continued to pull century’s old condiments out of one of the cupboards in a feeble attempt to locate his favorite drink. He knew it wouldn’t be there, but the whiskey wasn’t where he thought it would be to begin with so it was worth a look.

Awilix glanced up from her morning coffee, relieving her nostrils from its sickening smell. She just couldn’t find the willpower to drink it. Despite the uncomfortable feeling in her stomach, it still didn’t dampen her mood, “Bit early to be drinking that, isn’t it? Besides, I think we all had enough alcohol to last us a lifetime last night,” She chuckled as she remembered the night before. Everybody had appeared to enjoy themselves and that pleased her the most. Even those that weren’t drinking had found that simply watching everyone else do so was entertaining in itself.

“Ha, very funny. Do you think someone drank it?”

“Oh my god, probably. Don’t worry about, we can get more. We’re gonna have to buy more alcohol anyway,” Awilix glanced at the empty shelves where they kept their drinks. That made her cringe more than the smell of the coffee, but not quite as much as when she walked in moments ago and saw the state of their living room space. It was now bothering her too much. She tied up her hair and slid off the stool she was sitting on, “Come on, help me make a start with the cleaning up.”

“I’m not cleaning up. I put all of my cups the trash,” AMC wasn’t for tidying up after other people.

“Oh I’m sure you forgot one at some point, you were that drunk,” She grabbed a plastic bag a started to work on the area around the television and the suites, wanting to eventually settle and relax in front of the TV with a box-set.

“Make our guests clean up, there’s an idea. They made the most mess,” He raised a finger to point at their wooden dining table where a game of ‘Ring of Fire’ had taken place, instigated by Mercury who proposed that it was the fastest way to get people drunk. The table was awash with plastic cups containing all kinds of liquids and several pieces of card, which had once been a pack of usable playing cards less than 12 hours ago.

Awilix rolled her eyes, “Our guest can’t clean up. They’re our guests.”

“Never mind that,” Anubis’ voice could be heard, though it was quiet and a sounded a little distant, “I’ll help you clean up,”

“Thank you Anubis,” Awilix stared at AMC before directing her gaze to each of the passages that led to the central hub, trying to find Anubis. She frowned when she couldn’t see him anywhere.

“Um, up here…” Anubis called with a little more volume.

Awilix looked up at the ceiling and saw the Jackal. She tried not to laugh. It was like something out of a comedy movie; Anubis was hanging from the very centre of the structure, suspended by his own bandages and wrapped up from his knees to his neck. AMC was curious about the silence and turned away from another cupboard he was clearing. He followed Awilix’s gaze to meet Anubis’ unamused glare. He wasn’t intimidated by it and let out a cry of laughter that stung Anubis’ sensitive ears. He growled quietly.

“How did you get up there?” Awilix was genuinely curious.

“I honestly don’t remember,” In truth, he didn’t but he also just wanted to get down. He’d entertain the thought when he was back on solid ground. The floor of the Tree-house would also be fine.

“We’ll get you down. A.M.C.?” She gestured towards Anubis. AMC rolled his eyes, “Oh come on, you can’t get out of this one. I can’t fly. Go and help him.”

In all fairness, he did help to an extent. Ah Muzen Cab called upon a swarm of bees that used their combined strength to slowly carry Anubis down, who found it very hard not to struggle, intimidated by their vast numbers, in both bees and stinging power. When they had dispersed, Awilix helped to remove the bandages.

Anubis let out a loud sigh when he was free, stretching his arms as they’d been uncomfortably stuck to his sides for too long, “Thank you. Oh, and now that you’ve got me down I can safely say…,” He glanced around to check for the bees, and was confident that they had disappeared, “Ah Muzen Cab, I drank your Honey Whiskey, I’m sorry. I’ll buy you more.” He awkwardly smiled, baring his teeth and drawing his ears back.

AMC frowned, but simply rolled his eyes before turning back to the cupboard to put its contents back, “Did you enjoy it? It’s nice stuff,” He said blankly.

“It was, nicer than whatever was in that cup,” Anubis gestured to the dining table as well, in particular, the large cup that once sat in the middle of the ‘Ring of Fire’ and was filled with a small sample of everyone else’s drink. He was unfortunate enough to draw the last king from the deck and had to drink the entire contents of the cup.

“Unlucky Goobis,” Awilix nudged him playfully, “But you can look back and laugh, right?”

“When this hangover passes, perhaps.”

“Well, for that, you’re going to need food,” Awilix stepped behind the counter and urged him to sit in one of stools, “You can have whatever you like. We can make pancakes, cooked breakfast, toast or you can just have cereal. Honey-Hoops?” She pulled out the box of cereal, feeling quite pleased with herself at the inside joke she just made. Even AMC chuckled a little. Anubis gratefully accepted the cereal and a glass of water, which he had to respectfully ask to be put into another bowl.

Chaac cheerily strolled in as Awilix placed the second bowl carefully on to counter, “Morning sun-shines!” He tugged Awilix and AMC into an embrace, and then grabbed a groggy Xbalanque that was passing through. Anubis admired how affectionate they were towards one another, and couldn’t help but feel slightly saddened that his own pantheon was so divided (though the alcohol temporarily fixed that last night).

Xbalanque eventually managed to slip out of Chaac’s grasp and headed straight for the television area. He switched on one of the many, _many_ games consoles that he and Hun Bats had spent many, _many_ hours besting each other on and grabbed a remote, much to Awilix’s disgust.

“X-bal, rude. Turn that off, we’ve got guests.”

“I’m just getting my log-in bonus on Smite, god. I’ll be off in a second,” And true to his word, Xbalanque did turn off the console but kept the TV on and flipped over to a music channel that happened to be cycling through most of the same songs Apollo had been playing the night before.

Chaac looked despairingly at Anubis’ breakfast, “Goobis, do you not want something with a little more ‘umph?’ I can do you some bacon. It’s no trouble, I’m having some.”

Awilix glared at him, “I already offered, he’s fine!”

“She did, thank you,” Anubis went back to lapping up water from his other bowl.

Just then, Bellona stumbled in, dragging Amaterasu playfully alongside her. They were giggling uncontrollably, “Sorry,” Bellona managed to compose herself,  “We heard the word ‘bacon’ so we figured that was our queue to get out of bed,” She took the two remaining stools at the island and pulled them out, waiting for Amaterasu to sit down before she did.

“Now that’s what I’m talking about!” Chaac nodded towards the couple before setting down a packet of bacon next to the stove which he’d already turned on. Mornings in the jungle were hot enough already, but with things cooking, it was about to get hotter. Bellona had come in, unapologetic, wearing only her sleeping-shorts and a t-shirt. Amaterasu was wearing very much the same but also had on a light dressing-gown, being a little more reserved than her partner. However, she looked far too hot.

“Ama’?” Awilix asked as she poured the two some water, into glasses this time, “Are you not too hot? Take your dressing-gown off if you want to.”

Amaterasu was grateful for the reassurance, but still asked if it was okay, “Are you sure?” She began to slip it off anyway.

“Of course! Awilix stepped to the side of the counters, “See, I’m only in shorts and a t-shirt. It gets so hot here in the morning.”

“I dread to think how the Norse are handling it,” Xbalanque called out, ironically just landing on a channel showing a documentary about the cold, unforgiving regions of the North and South Poles.

“Ouch, forgot about that,” Chaac muttered to Awilix, flipping over the bacon in the frying pan, “Speaking of haters-of-heat, where’s Ah Puch?”

“Still in bed, probably,” Awilix guessed.

“Go wake him up.”

“He’s nocturnal anyway, leave him alone!”

“Excuse me,” Chaac poked Awilix with the spatula, “You’re nocturnal, and you’re up. Xbalanque’s nocturnal and he’s up, even if he’s not fully functioning,” He pointed the spatula at the couch, which concealed Xbalanque as he lay upon it. It didn’t hide the middle finger he aimed at Chaac however, “We’re still entertaining. We still have guests. Get him up.”

Awilix reluctantly left the living room space with her arms folded. She called from down the corridor, “He’s going to whine all day that he’s tired!” She warned. Chaac rolled his eyes as he placed a plate on the island counters, piled high with bacon rashers. He turned to grab some spare plates for himself and the girls but Bellona had already taken a piece and was devouring it as Ama was showing her something on her phone. She caught Chaac smiling at them both.

“Hey Chaac, do you want to see the stuff Susano was sending to me last night?” Ama brought the screen into his gaze.

“Oh no,” He chuckled as he took the phone and began scrolling through the messages from her brother.

“What did he say?” AMC leaned over from his bowl of fruit and yogurt to also look at the messages.

“He was just complaining about anybody and anything,” Bellona tapped Ama’s phone with her second piece of bacon, “Says I’m a bad influence for starting a game of ‘Never Have I Ever’ when I’m pretty sure it was Aphrodite. He didn’t like the fact that I said so many sexual things when so was everybody else. He’s such a little virgin,” She tore her third rasher in half with her teeth, irritated by his comments. Ama found her comment quite funny, even though she had the utmost respect for her brother. She knew it was because he was drunk and he would regret it once he woke up, even though he meant every word. Bellona continued, “Oh, and the reason he was so horrible to Kuku’ was because it reminded him of that serpent thing he fought, like, 1000 years ago, like, get over it.”

AMC suddenly recalled the things that were said during that short, petty row, “You missed it Chaac, it was hilarious. Susan’ said that Kuku’ looked like an erotic feather duster, and asked if we’d found him in an antique shop.”

“Oh!” Chaac tried to stifle his laughter, “That’s why he slapped him in the nuts with his tail. That, I was there for.”

“I’m so sorry,” Ama chuckled as she wiped tears of laughter from her eyes, “It was just because he was drunk, he’s wouldn’t normally have acted like that.

“Oh it’s okay! I’m so sorry our ‘erotic feather duster’ slapped him in the balls and ruined his pride.”

The Gods were so engrossed by these messages and trying to decipher Susano’s drunken language, they didn’t notice Awilix had come back into the room, not until she slowly lowered her folded arms onto the counter.

“Is he up?” Chaac asked, handing Ama’s phone back to her.

“He’s awake,” Awilix paused and bit her lip. She couldn’t bring herself to make eye contact with anyone so she just let her eyes wander awkwardly, “But you won’t believe what I’ve just seen.” Chaac raised an eyebrow. Everyone at the counter glanced at each other, and then closed in on Awilix, “So, I walk into Ah Puch’s room because, you know, that’s what you do when you live together, right?” Ama, Anubis and Bellona all nodded in agreement, “So, I walk in and… Oh my god, I can’t even say it.” She buried her head in her hands.

“It must be bad,” AMC put his spoon down, giving Awilix his full, undivided attention, “X-bal, are you listening to this?”

“Ah Puch is weird, nothing surprises me anymore,” Xbalanque sound somewhat disinterested but still appeared to be listening.

Awilix lifted her head. She was smiling sweetly, “So I walk in and I see Ah Puch, in bed…but …he’s in the bed with someone else.” She bites her lip as everybody else’s mouths hung open.

Xbalanque flailed about as he threw himself off the couch and ran towards the counter, “You’re kidding me. What? Who with?” Everyone else nodded, leaning even further towards Awilix.

“I only caught a glimpse of him and then I left straight away because they heard me. I couldn’t see him that well anyway because Ah Puch was lay on top of him. They were cuddling and everything. It. Was. Adorable.”

“Wait! It was a ‘he’?”

“I fucking knew it!” AMC suddenly exclaimed. He pointed across the counter, “I knew it! X-bal’, you owe me. I don’t know what but you owe me. You’ve always said Ah Puch was straight. I knew he was gay.”

“Fuck off A.M.C.! He had a wife in a previous life. What else was I-?”

“Hey, people change! Ah Puch is testament to that; Last night, he was moaning to Awilix that someone was looking at him like they liked him and how it creeped him out, and then he goes and fucks someone.”

“He’s so fickle,” Chaac shook his head, his eyes wide from the shock.

“Okay, okay. But who was it?” Xbalanque shook his hands with exasperation.

“I didn’t see him that well!” Awilix urged.

“What did you see of him? What did he look like?”

“Um… He looked like Thana’ with the long black hair but, obviously, it’s not Thana’ because he’s with Chronos and he wouldn’t do anything like that. He had a beard too.”

Bellona perked up, “Was is Susano?” She turned to Ama’, who was already cracking up, “Is he not a virgin anymore?”

“Hey, neither is Ah Puch,” AMC nodded towards the other members of his pantheon. Xbalanque’s eye’s suddenly lit up and he headed for one of the corridors that led away from the central hub, “Where are you going?”

“To tell Hun Bats that he’s the last virgin in the Mayan Pantheon,” Xbalanque called back.

“It wasn’t Susano,” Awilix reassured, and it wasn’t just because Ama was there, “The guy was quite tall, way bigger than your brother Ama.” Bellona snickered to herself as she created an innuendo.

“Was his beard quite long? Anubis asked.

“Yeah.”

“Was it well groomed?”

“I guess. He was a really hairy guy too.”

“It’s Hades,” Anubis announced, without much thought. Chaac’s face dropped again, he frowned a little.

“Tha-,” Awilix didn’t doubt Anubis. She doubted that Ah Puch would ever be interested in someone like Hades but then again, she didn’t know explicitly was he was in to, “That’s what Hades looks like under all of that?”

“And how would you know that Goobis?” Bellona teased, creating another innuendo.

“He doesn’t always wear his uniform. It’s more for intimidating the mortals,” Anubis rolled his eyes.

Bellona seemed satisfied, “Aw, two death Gods, in love,” She leaned back into Ama’s chest and glanced up at her affectionately. Ama wrapped her arms around her and popped a kiss onto her forehead.

“I wouldn’t say that,” Chaac muttered quietly, keeping his head down.

“Oh, I’ve got to see this,” AMC stepped away from the counters and lifted himself off the ground, but was brought back down when Awilix grabbed his arm.

“No, A.M.C., I woke him up before. He’ll see you,” She hissed.

“He’s lazy, he probably went straight back to sleep. It’ll be fine!” He took off and hovered over to one of the corridors, but he did have a little peek first to see if he could see Ah Puch before heading towards his room.

“Oh, I feel bad for waking them up. They looked so cute when I saw them.”

“Ship it!” Bellona quipped.

Ama rested her chin on Bellona’s head, “It’s so sweet.”

“Can you all just _stop_ , please?” Chaac’s voice was slightly raised, a sharp contrast to Ama’s gentle tone. Awilix looked away, embarrassed by his outburst, “It’s not okay. It’s not. Can we please stop pretending like it is? Bellona, you’re a shit-stirrer at the worst of times but Ama, especially surprised at you. And Anubis, you’re not saying anything-!”

“Okay, woah!” Bellona held her hands up. Ama tightened her grip around her chest to prevent an outburst but Bellona knew Chaac wasn’t one to get irritated easily so she didn’t feel the need to retaliate. She humored him, “What’s the problem?”

Chaac gripped the counter with both hands, “Hades is a married man. A married, Greek God. Please, tell me you understand…”

“Right, last time I checked, Hades and Persephone were hardly the O.T.P. of the millennia. Plus, Hades and Ah Puch… It’s a drunken fling on a night out, even though we technically stayed in. It probably won’t matter. Who says they’ll even remember any of it?”

“It doesn’t excuse the fact that Hades has cheated on his wife.”

Awlix was indignant towards Chaac’s hypocrisy, recalling when his brother’s wife had an affair with him, “To be fair, Chaac, I don’t think you can really take the moral high-ground when it comes to cheating.” She said blankly.

No one really knew how to reply, not even Chaac. It was very out of character for Awilix to be so cold. Anubis finally cut through the silence, “If I may… Who says they even had sex? I know this sounds really naive of me, but they could have just been talking and fallen asleep or something. Me and Bastet have those deep kinds of talks and fallen asleep half-way through.”

“Anubis, that’s adorable,” Bellona nudged him with one of her feet.

He wafted it away, “Bellona, please. I know it sounds ridiculous but we don’t know…” He trailed off as he caught sight of AMC darting into the kitchen, just barely managing to slow himself down before he collided with the island counters.

“Ah Puch is coming! He’s coming!” He said rapidly, repeating himself several times to make sure that everyone got the message.

Bellona snickered as she made another innuendo, “Oh, I bet Ah Puch is coming, all over Hades.”

Ama’s eyes widened. She playfully slapped Bellona’s shoulder, “Bellona, that was too much.”

“Hey, I’m on a roll today!”

“Okay, okay…” Awilix waved her hands to make sure she had everyone’s attention, and to dispel some of her pent-up energy, so she wouldn’t laugh as soon as she saw Ah Puch, “So I didn’t see anything and I didn’t tell you anything and we know nothing, right?” Chaac rolled his eyes and turned away to face the other counters and wash the frying pan he’d used to cook the bacon. Everyone else nodded simultaneously, and some regained their composure quicker than others. AMC just burst into a fit of laughter, which consequentially caused Awilix to do so.

The two were huddled together, a rasping mess, far too amused to notice Ah Puch creep up behind them.

“Morning,” There was no response from any of the members of his pantheon. He cocked his head to side. He knew he had to be far more animated whilst he was wearing the mask if he wanted people to understand what he was thinking. The antithesis of this was he could also hide any undesired emotions that he didn’t want anyone to notice, like the feeling of utter exhaustion coupled with a vicious hangover he was experiencing. However, he didn’t need to try and hide it. It was masked by a gentle euphoria that was still lingering from the night before.

His bright red eyes flipped from Awilix and AMC, to Ama, Bellona and Anubis, “What killed them?”

“Not sure,” Anubis replied quickly, trying not to stare at the surprisingly prominent bruises on Ah Puch’s neck (given his already darkened skin tone). He was also wearing a low-cut top, which he’d presumably slept in, that revealed a couple more love bites on his chest. Anubis subtly scratched his neck and glanced at Ama and Bellona, wondering if they too had noticed the hickeys. Bellona’s smug smile said yes and that she was ready to probe, and she would be ruthless and unapologetic.

“Did you have a good night Ah Puch?” Bellona nodded towards his hickeys but it was a little too vague.

“Yeah, I think everybody had a pretty good time last night,” He glanced around at the state of the room, still littered with a fair few cups and cans. AMC was still beyond ready to let go of his laughter but Awilix had brought herself back to the counter to keep an eye on Ah Puch’s (albeit limited) expressions.

Bellona frowned, “Yeah, especially you.”

“Well, yeah. I’m always up for drinking, especially with you guys, it was a blast,” He was becoming rapidly uncomfortable now that he’d realized that he had 4 people staring at him.

Awilix could see this and tried to change the subject, however much she was enjoying the situation. She found something to talk about, “Aw Ah Puch, you broke a nail,” She took his hand and inspected the damage.

“Shit,” His eyes flared, clearly irritated.

Bellona also found an opportunity to swing things back in her favor, “Guess things got a little rough last night, huh?” Ama tightened her grip slightly round Bellona’s chest, but she didn’t know whether it was to signal to stop or to carry on teasing; she didn’t want Ah Puch to be embarrassed but at the same time, she was curious as to what had actually happened.

“Nah, I think I must have broken it opening a can of something,” He compared all of his nails, the finger with the shortest nail standing out like a sore thumb (it wasn’t his thumbnail).

Bellona found herself out of witticisms, so she came out with the second-best, blunt thing that came to her lips, “A can of what? Of dick?”

AMC yelped as he transitioned into a fresh spell of laughter. Ah Puch didn’t know who to pay attention too, whoever was going to reveal the most about what they found so amusing was his best bet.

Chaac provided that answer, “Okay, I’ve had enough of this.”

Awilix’s smile suddenly disappeared, “Chaac, don’t-.”

“No, you’re embarrassing him,” He dropped the frying pan he had been drying off onto the counter, high enough for it to make a deafening bang, and then turned to face the island, “Ah Puch, take off the mask. I want to look you in the eye,” He said firmly.

“Chaac, don’t speak to me like that,” The jaw of Ah Puch mask unhinged only slightly as he spoke, “I’ve not done anything wrong.”

“Oh, we’ll see about that,” Chaac rested his folded arms on the counter, “Take off the mask.”

Ah Puch mimicked him, but then raised his hand and rested his head on his knuckles, keeping his chin up, “I’m not taking it off,” There were short, deadly pauses as he spoke, “Nobody here…” He gestured towards the three gods that didn’t belong to their pantheon, “…needs to see what I look like in the morning.”

“Okay, fine,” Chaac continued. If he dwelled to much on Ah Puch’s insolence, he knew there’d be a big storm coming, “Look at me and look me in the eye, and tell me that you didn’t fuck Hades last night.”

Awilix rolled her eyes, “Yeah, like that didn’t embarrass him.” Neither one of them acknowledged her. They kept their gazes locked. Chaac was still seething and Ah Puch seemed to radiate much the same when in fact, he was biting his lip as he cringed.

“He’s hesitating,” Bellona purred, “They definitely fucked.”

“Bellona, shut up!” A clap of thunder could be heard in the distanced as Chaac finished speaking.

“Stop yelling at everyone!” Ah Puch’s usual raspy, vicious tone came through, and his eyes flared up once again. He ignored how hypocritical he sounded, “What’s the problem? What would be the issue with me fucking Hades, if we’d have had sex?”

“Use your common sense,” Chaac uttered through gritted teeth, closing in on Ah Puch, “Do you know what it would mean for our pantheon? For you?”

“What would it mean? What would it actually mean? That someone has taken an interest in me since I’ve looked like this?” He gripped the chin part of the mask, as if he was going to remove it. He hesitated. He didn’t want to have to do so in order to make a point. He just tapped it instead, “That could make me feel like I don’t look like shit for once in this life.”

“Ah Puch, stop,” AMC moaned. The conversation was no longer interesting to him, “You’re rambling.”

“I’m rambling? Okay, I’ll just get straight to the point then,” He grabbed Chaac’s chin and had their gazes lock once again, “Chaac. I. Did not. Fuck. Hades.”

Bellona rolled her eyes and sighed.

Chaac pulled away slightly in anticipation for Ah Puch’s horrific breath, but his words hit him harder. They were wrong. He hoped that they’d know his anger was a sign of concern, “Okay? Okay, that’s fine…” He trailed off as Ah Puch slowly leaned closer towards him.

“Hades fucked me.”

Bellona fell off of her stool.

Kali picked up her pace as hobbled through the room, 4 meals worth of take-out boxes occupying all 4 of her hands; One for Medusa, another for Arachne and the other two for herself. She couldn’t handle being noticed and have to pretend like she didn’t hear what just went down. This would be one hell of a conversation to have over dinner. Future games of ‘Never Have I Ever’ were going to be a lot more interesting.

**Author's Note:**

> This took me so long. I really hope that you enjoyed it! Obviously, it’s not going to be 100% complacent with any lore, let alone that of the Mayan Pantheon. So please, don’t lay into me for that. It’s pure crack, it’s just for fun.
> 
> Fun-facts  
> \- I was going to make Ah Muzen Cab vegan and have Bellona call him a hypocrite for using honey, with him then trying to justify it because he’s the God of Bees and they allow him to use it. This was removed because I'd probably experience backlash.  
> \- Amaterasu’s modesty was going to lead to a joke about Middle Eastern culture and the Gods discussing Abrahamic religions and how the world is so quick to dismiss their existence but argue which version of the same God is real. Again, backlash.  
> \- I wanted to give Medusa a larger role in this as the being that made Ah Puch’s everyday mask with similar properties to her own, in that they suppress their ‘true’ self and conceal their powers but there was just no place for it in the end. I’m covering this in my Laying Down the Lore Series anyway.
> 
> Please give this work a kudos and leave a comment if you enjoyed or if you have any criticism.


End file.
